Winter Status Report (warning, loaded with bad puns and absolutely teeming with inappropriate innuendos)

30 Nov

You can find the original link here:

It bums me out that I gotta do this, but I gotta do this.


Full contents of the post below:

Holy hell, backers!  It’s almost been exactly a year since I launched this Kickstarter.  As you know, it was launched on November 20 and ended January 20th after 50 days because I was worried about how difficult to get eyeballs during the holiday season.  Thankfully a lot of you stumbled upon this project with said eyeballs, while others have been supporting this project even longer.  Many hugs, many thanks.  I sing your praises daily.


I know everyone’s been anxiously waiting for news on the release date, so I’ll get straight to the point.  I was hoping to fully stuff your respective stockings with Coming Out On Top this holiday season, but alas, after mulling this over for the past few weeks, and trying to calculate how much more I needed to in terms of content and polishing (especially polishing), I will unfortunately, regrettably be postponing the release date.

“NOOO!”, you cry.  “I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SEDUCE IAN SINCE NOVEMBER 21ST, 2012, GODDAMN IT!”  I am so very sorry, my dear backers.  I really wanted to get this out to you in time for holidays, but I can’t bring myself to release something that’s not going to be polished until it shines brighter than Ian’s–*cough*…where were we?

Uh, oh yeah.  This game.  We’re making history here, sorta.  At least the kind of history you made when you did that thing with the Sriracha bottle in the conga line at your cousin’s wedding.  We all remember that, even if you pretend you don’t.

To sum it up, the additional stretch goals (secret relationship, hair mod, etc.) were things that are taking me longer than anticipated.  I don’t want to slap these things on and call it a night.  I like to massage these additions in with a subtly rose-scented oil, surrounded with candles, work them in like they were always meant to be part of the game.  Executed with flair and flavor and just done right so you’re going “aaaaah” and not grimacing in pain and reeking of patchouli by the end of it.

In addition, I want the entire game to be as close to perfect as possible.  Spit on and polish that thing right up so it’s–oh hi, did you stumble in here from a different Kickstarter?  No, there’s nothing to see here, we funded a year ago.  Yeah, table top games are that-a-way.  Yeah, they’re games too.  I know, right?  No, I don’t know anything about Godus.  Sounds cool though.  Ok, yeah, good luck to you too.

Ahem.  So, the new release date?  I’ll have a better idea once I get the second beta to my forum members.  I’m estimating it will be spring.

Yes, this does mean I do have to push all the rewards back.  I will still be working on them the month after the release of the game.  I did consider doing the drawing commissions ($100-$200 tiers) while I’m still working on the game, but for the sake of getting you the highest quality commissions I can muster, I’d rather not rush while doing your drawings.  I take a long time doing art, and I don’t want to half-ass those.  It means a lot to me that they’re special commissions and I want you to happy with them.

So to make things clear, the rewards are also pushed back until the release of the game.  (Though If you can figure out how to get the physical copy before I’m done, I’ll be impressed.  Also take me into your time machine, you scoundrel.)

So once again, I’m bummed to have to do this.  But hopefully you can see my enthusiasm and ambition and unfortunate sense of humor haven’t flagged since I started this project, and in fact, have reached an alarming crescendo.  I sure am eager to share with you the fruits of your generosity mixed with my fervor.

Man, even when I’m being sincere it just sounds so wrong.

Some sneak peeks below.


Some of you probably know I broke my tablet on Thanksgiving Day (thanks Wacom!), so I wasn’t able to finish cleaning up these sprites (and the other boys) before posting this update. So these guys are not quite where I wanted them to be for the update, but they’re a lot closer. Still fiddling with their anatomy and hair and such. As for the rest of the boys, I’ll be posting another mini-update in December and January, and most likely for every month as I finish up the game. Again, I hope to post a more solid release date as soon as I can. Again, it will most likely be this spring.

Remember, there will now be a beard and body hair option for each of the main boys.  So you can have a guy have body hair and no beard, or whatever combo suits you.  I’ve always been a fan of hair-free but this project is making me like beards more, for some reason.  I’m scared.

As for Phil, it’s unfortunate that the military isn’t beard-friendly. Perhaps his beard will be an easter egg (thanks for the inspiration, my Twitter muse).  Hmm.


I’m going to repeat myself, I could not be happier with Badriel (backgrounds and bells and whistles), Doubleleaf (illustrations) and Saguaro (programming.)

It is an absolute delight working with them. I caw with the evilest laughter every time they’ve sent me their latest and greatest work. They are all exceptionally talented, funny, and remarkable people, whom, thanks to your pledges, I can pay to put up with me.   Glorious.  And to paraphrase both Doubleleaf and Badriel on separate occasions, “this ____ may be the the strangest thing I have ever been asked to create”. Music to my ears.

Badriel is a f*cking beast.  He’s capable of doing anything you ask him to, including build you a real life house with his bare hands, apparently.  But hey, look at just a few of these lovely places he’s created for your upcoming adventures.

Awww, just like home!

Scene Illustrations

Jeez, I really hate posting any of these because I don’t like giving away any more than I need to, but how can you not fall madly in love Doubleleaf’s art?  If she’s not one of the greatest artists on the planet, I’m not sure who is.  Be still, my quivering heart.

Left: Mark and Jed discussing the ramifications of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Right: Mark and Brad playing Twister.  Grr!  Brad really hates losing!

Thanks for reading this far, folks.

Note: If you’ve changed your address in the past year, I’ll be sending out surveys just a few days before the game is released, so don’t worry about updating me until then.

In closing, eat lots of protein, sleep well, and get lots of rest.  I want you to be completely pumped up when you play this.

I absolutely love you guys and gals and I hope you absolutely love this game.

6 Responses to “Winter Status Report (warning, loaded with bad puns and absolutely teeming with inappropriate innuendos)”

  1. Mark November 30, 2013 at 10:42 pm #

    What is up with prison bars!? D,: But take your time with your game! :)

  2. Koneko December 1, 2013 at 8:27 am #

    Hey, I just remembered something. I read somewhere, damn you memory! That you would also have the option to make decisions in the emh..special…scenes..Yeah lets go with special..Is that right? Like you can choose if you..ride the horse? Or….God this is awful..anyway can you?

  3. Neznem December 3, 2013 at 7:06 am #

    It’s understandable and not that uncommon for an ambitious project to be pushed back a little bit. We trust you and as long as you keep teasing us with delicious updates like these, I’ll be able to wait until Spring. I mean, I’ve waited a year, what’s a few more months? :)

  4. Brandon Humphries December 5, 2013 at 10:16 pm #

    As long as you are transparant and up front, which you are being, all is fine. I doubted you could make the December deadline, seemed way too soon for a first time operation. Especially if this is going to be more than an hours worth of game play.

  5. Daniel R December 11, 2013 at 9:49 am #

    Joined the Pre order list awhile ago, not having heard anything thought I’d check this to see what was up, glad to see yer still cranking out quality art, wish I could have supported the game earlier but couldn’t really do kickstarter myself and other things meant not, looking forward to being able to preorder though and thanks for your hard work and the people making this shiny thing be possible, Hugs all around!

  6. Logan December 13, 2013 at 1:28 am #


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